Are Your Relationships Making You Sick?
Hello lovely you,
As I sit here with my steaming cup of herbal tea, I’m watching my little Zuzu sleeping next to me on a pillow. When my last kitty companion died, I was so heart broken – I didn’t think my heart would be ready for a long, long time to love a new fur baby. But it wasn’t long before this love ran into my life, and even though she has some special needs from a troubled previous life you can’t help but love Ms. Zuzu.
If only we could feel this way about all of the people in our lives. Relationships are supposed to nourish us and make our lives richer. But when they aren’t healthy, relationships can instead be a poison that makes us sick.
It’s time to get rid of the toxic people in your life. I know that thought may seem overwhelming to you right now, but I need you to really understand something – part of your health issues, I promise you, come from the chronic energy suck and negativity that these toxic relationships bring. At the very least, it is time for you to voice your feelings to whomever: partner, parent, sibling, friend or coworker, and let them know that CHANGE needs to happen for your health, and if it doesn’t, the relationship will not go on.
If you’re not sure whether your relationship(s) qualifies as toxic, here are some of the most common signs to look for:
Talk about a lack of honesty, passive aggression is when someone doesn’t come out and say something directly to you, but they throw you attitude to let you know you are somehow displeasing them. It may even be youwho is doing it. Passive aggression is essentially a sign that one or more of you is not comfortable speaking to the other about something. This lack of solid and honest communication is a big red flag in the relationship.
Constant Criticism and Contempt
None of us is perfect, and certain forms of criticism are good and help us see things we can improve upon. Criticism that is intended to help is okay.
But criticism that comes from a negative and destructive place for the sake of pointing out someone’s flaws and inadequacies is not constructive and will only demean and hurt the person.
If either you or the other person uses criticism to express contempt for someone, it’s hard for a relationship to recover from it.
Arguing but No Real Communicating
It’s perfectly normal to argue with those you love now and then. But when the arguments are almost constant, and no real constructive communication ever seems to happen, that is a problem. Arguing is exhausting, and the more you do it, the more it drains your energy and suppresses your immune system.
If things have gotten so bad that you try to avoid each other’s company, well, you KNOW you have a problem. If you find yourself thinking, “It’s just easier if I don’t interact with him/her so I’ll ignore them.” If that’s the case, better to be honest and end the relationship.
You Don’t Feel or Act Like Yourself
My ex husband and I are now friends, but back when we were married, things were bad and I didn’t feel or act like myself. I almost forgot who I was and what I enjoyed. This is right when I was diagnosed with cancer so I KNOW what I am talking about here.
If you feel like the REAL you is lost and no longer around, this is a huge red flag. It is important to get you back so you can heal from your illness.
You’re Moving in Different Directions
This happens a lot in marriages or romantic relationships. When you’re young, the both of you may have similar interests, values and goals in life. But as you get older, it’s very possible that you may grow apart in some way. That’s okay, it happens. But it can put a huge strain on your relationship if you’re not honest with each other and instead choose to limp along, hoping things will get better and you’ll grow closer.
You Don’t remember the Last Time You Were Happy
So many of us are living our lives, day after day, never really being happy. We go to work, go home, do the chores and errands that need to be done, pay our bills and go to bed and start all over the next day. If the people in your life don’t make you happy… if spending time with them doesn’t bring some light into the darkness, then you know something isn’t right. Healthy relationships are happy relationships.
I am not saying that ending relationships is easy. It’s not always easy, that’s for sure. Remember, I have been through cancer AND a divorce, I know how tough it can be. It can definitely be hard to let go, even when we are aware that the relationship is toxic. This is especially true when we don’t feel like ourselves or feel a bit dependent during an illness.
I encourage you to be honest with yourself and those in your life that you feel are not positive influences. Your health and very life are at stake, so please take special care to do what is in your best interest.
As always, wishing you love, light and peace.
P.S. Check out my question in the comment section below. Let’s chat.