How To Love The People You Hate
Good morning lovely you!
I am sipping my steaming cup of tea, and little Zuzu is sound asleep next to me. It’s a grey morning here in New England but hearing the birds chirping and little Zuzu purring makes the day that much brighter. All would seem well in my world.
But right outside my door is a world that I don’t control. It is a world that can be painful and scary at times. If I were to let myself take a peek at today’s news headlines, I’m sure the peaceful feeling in my home would slip away from me.
Yes indeed, life in the “real” world can be fraught with all kinds of unpleasantness. And when something unpleasant is done to us, it’s easy for us to hold hate in our heart for the people who “done us wrong.”
Sure, we may eventually be able to forgive people for hurting us. At least, that’s what we tell ourselves. Good people forgive others, and since we are a good person, we do our best to let the pain and anger go.
This sounds great on paper, but letting go of anger and pain is not that easy. We think we have forgiven our coworker for stabbing us in the back to get the promotion or our sister for constantly criticizing us and making us feel bad about ourselves. But then we see them or have an interaction with them, and that anger, resentment and hatred begin to permeate our heart. It was there all along, we just fooled ourselves into thinking it was gone.
People hurt us, it’s just a fact of life. Some may mean to do it and others may not, but the result is the same – the pain usually turns into hate.
Why You Must Stop Hating Those Who Have Hurt You
When we allow ourselves to feel hatred toward another, we can eventually become very dark. We all have darkness and the capacity to be negative, but we also have a choice to be of the dark or of the light. Choosing to roll around in your anger and resentment toward someone else, feeling totally justified in doing so, is a recipe for turning into something that you hate – a monster. Have you ever gotten so angry and full of rage or hatred that you felt like a different person? Like your mild-mannered Dr. Jekyll turned into a shockingly evil Mr. Hyde?
Hate begets more hate, and soon you become a thing created out of hate, and you begin to hate yourself. So you don’t just hate other people, the hatred is turned around on yourself for hating them.
Holding onto hatred also causes us to negatively impact the people we love. We end up taking our anger and resentment out on the wrong people, and they can, in turn, begin to feel anger and resentment toward us. And the vicious cycle continues until the entire world is made up of outraged and resentful people, creating news headlines that are not very uplifting.
When you let go of hate, you heal your life and the health of the planet. You become the Love Warrior and that is the best Cancer Self-Help and Self-Care.
How to Love the People You Hate
Admittedly, understanding the WHY you must stop hating and loving those who have hurt you is ultimately easier than the HOW of it.
Here are some ways you can begin to love the people you hate:
Recognize Their Humanity
Generally speaking, the people on this planet who do the most atrocious acts are the ones who are in the most pain themselves and need compassion. The truth is, we are all beautiful, damaged goods in our own way and we generally do the best we can do. Instead of hating people who have hurt you, try to simply recognize that they are in their own pain.
Find the Lesson
Imagine someone gives you a wrapped present. When you unwrap it, you see it is an old, crushed milk carton. “What the hell kind of a gift is this,” you’d think, pretty p*ssed. You might even feel resentful.
But then suppose you decided to keep looking and saw they put a $100 bill in the old crushed milk carton as your real present. Well, you’d be pretty pleased.
Life often gives us the most meaningful gifts inside the crappiest packaging. You simply have to look.
Focus on Loving Yourself More Than Hating Others
You only have so much energy and hours in the day. You can either spend that time and energy on hating other people or showing yourself kindness and love. When you focus on loving yourself, you begin to innately understand that hatred in all forms is damaging to your body, soul and mind.
Kill them with Kindness
My dear friend, Dr. Bernie Siegel told me he went up to a violent young man in public and said this statement to him. “I want you to know I love you and I’m sorry your parents don’t.” The young man stopped screaming turned and walked away.
What happens when you are kind and loving toward someone you have perceived as “doing you wrong?” You tell your subconscious mind through action that they haven’t done anything hateful toward you. Most of us tend to show generosity and kindness and love toward those we love and have positive feelings about. By showing loving actions toward those we “hate” – we rewire our hearts and brains into actually loving them.
Life isn’t always easy, and there will always be times when other people hurt us. The key is to not take it so personally all of the time. Most people go through life completely unaware of how their actions affect other people.
By following these tips and becoming a Love Warrior, you can begin to love those you hate and start healing your life. This is all part of good cancer self-help and self-care.
Sending love and light.